Fun stuff goes here.

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paul needham
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby paul needham » April 14th, 2018, 5:23 am

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ..... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

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paul needham
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby paul needham » April 14th, 2018, 5:25 am

realize the extent of your own ignorance. - Thomas Sowell

When NASA started sending astronauts into space they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To fix this problem, Congress approved a program and NASA scientists spent a decade and over $165 million developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil...

Your taxes are due again in April!

Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 15th, 2018, 9:11 am

As I Get Older



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Tony Collins 1073
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Joined: December 6th, 2008, 10:00 am
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 15th, 2018, 9:12 am

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Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 19th, 2018, 8:23 am

JEWISH CABBIE

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.
He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said,
"What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn't staring at you like you tink; dat vould not be proper."

The woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or my butt, sweetie, what are you doing then?"

He paused a moment, then told her, "Vell...... M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?"






Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 19th, 2018, 8:44 am

Subject: The Talking Dog Joke.!

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A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.

I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,

sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".

"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying ****, he's never been out of the garden."


Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 22nd, 2018, 7:26 am

It Didn't take long.


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Tony Collins 1073
Posts: 693
Joined: December 6th, 2008, 10:00 am
Location: Braintree. Many Miles from any "Large Model" club
Contact:

Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 22nd, 2018, 7:39 am

How do you know when it is time to

"hang up the car keys"?

I say when your dog has this look on his face!


A picture is worth a thousand words!
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