Fun stuff goes here.

This is an area for Off Topic Discussions which includes Tony Collins popular Fun Stuff.
Bob Thompson1894
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Bob Thompson1894 » April 26th, 2020, 10:27 am

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just doing a bit of maintenance

Bob Thompson1894
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Bob Thompson1894 » April 26th, 2020, 10:30 am

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this is what everyone is doing wrong.

Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 28th, 2020, 6:27 am

Supreme Act




A hypnotist was entertaining his audience in a seaside theatre by inviting volunteers to join him on the stage, and then making them fall under his spell.



Finally, standing at the centre of the stage and facing the auditorium, he said:

“Ladies and Gentlemen! I am going to perform a trick never seen before in this theatre! I am going to put all of you, all 350 of you, under my spell!”



The good old British audience roared back: “Not on your Nelly!”, “Never in a month of Sundays!”, “Pull the other one!”



The hypnotist, holding a pocket watch by its chain and swinging it slowly, looked at them with great concentration.

“Keep your eyes on this watch. Follow its movements: left, right, left,.. right,... left,... right,.... you are getting sleepy,.... deep,........deep,..........sleep,............you are all asleep now...”



At that very moment the chain snapped, the watch hit the floorboards and fell apart.

“Oh, ****!” said the hypnotist.



The theatre closed for three days to allow a team of cleaners to clear up the mess.






Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » April 28th, 2020, 3:47 pm

Something very different - very topical - very good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KPbJ0-DxTc

Steve Perry
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Steve Perry » May 3rd, 2020, 7:23 pm

When I was about 7 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatised I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead **** had an identical twin.

Tony Collins 1073
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » May 6th, 2020, 7:12 am

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Tony Collins 1073
Posts: 794
Joined: December 6th, 2008, 10:00 am
Location: Braintree. Many Miles from any "Large Model" club
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Re: Fun stuff goes here.

Postby Tony Collins 1073 » May 24th, 2020, 1:40 pm



A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus," Says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.

"That's right," Replies the barman.

"The circus?" The duck asks again.

“”With the big tent?" "Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ...

"What the f*** would they want with a plasterer?!"







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