Fun stuff goes here.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room,

Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three more.

The barman says,"You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America ; & de odder in Australia ; & here I am in Dublin .

When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom & says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer, & always drinks the same way ....... Ordering three pints & drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day, he comes in & orders just two pints.

All the other regulars in the bar notice & fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round,

The barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops & he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine!










Tis me
................ I've Quit Drinking!"

[Denis Brown]

Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday at Cosford. We have a day off from brussel picking in Lincolnshire but we keep in practice with this game.

http://www.eyegas.com/sproutifarts/

[Tony Collins 1073]

Calling Dave Parry........

Dave, I wondered if you received my E-mail regarding difficulty in posting text and images?
My E-mail is.... hangar4 at talktalk.net

[Dave Parry]

Calling Dave Parry........

Dave, I wondered if you received my E-mail regarding difficulty in posting text and images?
My E-mail is.... hangar4 at talktalk.net

Hi Tony, no I didn't, get your email, please try again or if you are going to the AGM I will speak to you there.

[Dave Parry]

Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday at Cosford. We have a day off from brussel picking in Lincolnshire but we keep in practice with this game.

http://www.eyegas.com/sproutifarts/

Den you are a Nutter

[Denis Brown]

Looking forward to seeing you on Sunday at Cosford. We have a day off from brussel picking in Lincolnshire but we keep in practice with this game.

http://www.eyegas.com/sproutifarts/

Den you are a Nutter

Been practising 69 years just getting it right :lol:

[Tony Collins 1073]

Calling Dave Parry.

Hi Dave. As you dont seem to be receiving my mail [sent to.... Webmasterat LargeodelAssociation.com ] I think the site may have more than one problem. Anyway , here is a copy of the last message sent to you.



Hi Dave, I'm afraid the programme is playing up and making life very hard. It is seldom that that colours and text size work first time.
Sometimes I have to try all different combinations to get it to work. This evening after spending a long time trying to input stuff it would not let me put text after the last image, it kept on putting it in front of the first one, so I had to delete it all.

It has been getting worse over a period of time. Can we do anything about it?

Cheers Tony.




Perhaps it's finger trouble, but after all this time that seems unlikely.

[Dave Parry]

Hi Tony, I have looked it to it and i can't find anything wrong, all seem to working fine, I will try a few more things and let you know.

PS is your email AOL, if so that is why I don't get your emails the LAM server and AOL don't seem to like each other, if you need to contact me use my email address that is in the Journal.

[Andy Boylett]

Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Eric: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Phil: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Phil: - 'Scuse me.. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?


Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.

Phil: - Oh! What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Phil: - Er... Mmm . Well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Phil: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden

Phil: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Phil: - As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house...built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

Phil: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?

Phil: - Me? Never.

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Phil: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Phil: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.

Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Eric: - What's that then?

Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Eric: - Nope.

Phil: - Well then, you're a wanker.

[Tony Collins 1073]

The Garden Of Eden


The Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself,
"There's something he's needing.'"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl

girl.gif (37.42 KiB) Viewed 12489 times

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,

Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire,

And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,

Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,

And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,

And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then he added a mouth.

[Tony Collins 1073]

THE NEVER ENDING SOAP OPERA OF MARGARET & BERT]

B1.jpg (33.4 KiB) Viewed 12455 times

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing

some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,

"Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into

the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything

different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different?

It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down

again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN,

MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.

Shoulda bought a hat."

[Dave Parry]

Posted on behalf of Tony Collins

Truck Painters at it again

Those artists are at it again and aren't they brilliant? Think they must be German!
Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back..

The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real , like it is coming out the side of the trailer.

The second is of a canvas tote bag.

The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling , and the bottom of the trailer is empty.

The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing the back , a driver painted in the driver's seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards. (Now this one is just plain scary , even when the German reads 'On the wrong way?')

The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The 'inside' of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fireThe fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.

The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it , probably for the company that sells the books.

The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The 'inside' of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire

[Chris Lane]

Fascinating stuff Dave but it's the graphics guys on their computers that are the artists. The same truck on the same background in each case! Chris

[Tony Collins 1073]

Dear Santa,

Please send me a baby brother.






santa wrote back:





"Send me your mother..."

[Tony Collins 1073]

Alzheimer's Test for Modern Seniors


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



How fast can you guess these words

1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM









------------------------------------------------------------------------------







Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
Have a nice day

[Andy Boylett]

Rather sadly I only got 4 wrong, but one of mine was rubbish spelling....Tandom

[Tony Collins 1073]

James Cagney And Bob Hope Dancing

What a great clip. Everyone, young and old should see this before it is lost in the archives. This is an amazing video that brings back memories. We forget that both Cagney and Hope started in the business as vaudeville dancers.


For you younger guys, this is something you will never see again. For us older folks, this is the best of the best. And we had it for many years.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOoNOs8Ql28

[Tony Collins 1073]

Can you hit the apple???
(It's actually more fun when you miss, so don't be too accurate!)


http://crass.on.ru/flash/aaa-1.html

[Tony Collins 1073]

A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.

"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man.

"Okay." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!!"

A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip..

Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face.

Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.

"Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"

The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.

"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.

"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show...

...

That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. with mild green, hairy lip squid"




I'll get my coat

[Tony Collins 1073]

THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's
breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions.' 'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, 'Mom, how many types of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.'
'A Christmas tree??'


'Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.'