Fun stuff goes here.

[Tony Collins 1073]

A small zoo in Newcastle acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Geordie Elliott, a local lad & part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Geordie, like many Newcastle men, felt he had ample ability to satisfy any female. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution so Geordie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500?
Geordie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:

1. "Forst", Geordie said, "Nee kissin’ on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

2. "Secund", he said, "Ye cannit nivva tell neebody aboot this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

3. "Thord", Geordie said, "Ah want aall the bairns raised as Nuwcastle fans." Once again it was agreed.

4. "And last of all", Geordie stated, "You Gotta givvus another week to come up with the £500"

[Tony Collins 1073]

A TEST
FOR OLD KIDS

I was picky who I sent this to. It had to be those who might actually remember.
So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us 'old kids'!
The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.

01..After the Lone Ranger
saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who
was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left
this behind." What did he leave behind?________________.

02.When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them
on The _______________ Show.

03 Get your kicks, __________________.'

04.'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________.'

05.'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'

06.After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick
>that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'

07. Nestle's makes the very best . .. . . _______________.'

08. "Satchmo" was America's 'Ambassador of Goodwill' to the world. Our parents
shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His real name was _________________.

09.What takes a licking
and keeps on ticking? _______________.

10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always
>ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________. '

11.Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

12.The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front
was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.

13..In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This
was a tribute to ___________________.

14.We can remember
the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15... One of the big fads
of the late '50s and '60s was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist.
It was called the __ ______________.









ANSWERS :
01.The Lone Ranger
left behind a silver bullet.
02.The Ed Sullivan Show
03..On Route 66
04.To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06.The limbo
07.Chocolate
08.Louis Armstrong
09.The Timex watch
10.Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11.Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12.Beetle or Bug
13.Buddy Holly
14.Sputnik
15.Hoola-hoop

Send this to your 'old' friends, better known as Seniors. It'll drive them
crazy! And keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes.

[Tony Collins 1073]

A bit of old fashioned cartoon fun.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Cont.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Cont.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Imagine these over the Tower of London.

http://www.wimp.com/flyingpeople

[Tony Collins 1073]

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

[Tony Collins 1073]

Air Show Disaster


Amazing photo below shows great detail.
The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.

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Probably scared the s**t out of them.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Inner Peace: This is so true
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

ip1.gif (20.8 KiB) Viewed 12885 times

...Then You Are Probably








The Family Dog!

[Tony Collins 1073]

Why boys need parents...

[Tony Collins 1073]

cont

[Tony Collins 1073]

cont

[Tony Collins 1073]

cont

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If you don't send this to a few old friends, there will be fewer people laughing in the world.

[Keith Mitchell]

Let's bring a smile these chilly days :-

What do you use a LiPo for in winter?

Motorway hardcore -----.
K.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Just For Laughs…………

[Tony Collins 1073]

cont

[Tony Collins 1073]

cont

[Tony Collins 1073]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards .

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards ..

The man being a priest said, " I am a Father . ."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many ."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"
>
The priest, getting impatient said , "I am the Father of hundreds", and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

[Tony Collins 1073]

Willie Nelson's 75th birthday observation






Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker,
and a highly intelligent person. So simple, yet so profound!
Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher Willie Nelson,
iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait.
Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct
in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.

WN.jpg (74.06 KiB) Viewed 12585 times

"I have outlived my pecker."





The Penis Poem



My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
>From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the f***in' thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!









Gotta love Willie!!!
.





Know the feeling Willie. I'm seventy five too.

[Tony Collins 1073]

Queenslanders never brag

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A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets
a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts
grinning from ear to ear. Once he disconnects he shouts to the
barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.
The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd
around keen to know what they are celebrating.
"Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland
baby boy weighing 25 pounds".
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but
the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland ..
Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations
of "STREWTH" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy
pains.
Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the bar. The barman
says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed
25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about
how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much
does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers: "17 pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed
25 pounds the day he was born!"
The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly
says, "Had him circumcised!"